An Update On The Glorious Revolution

Lucas Galand
News Editor


Lucas Galand
News Editor

Last evening, the glorious Red Army took the City of Warsaw! Yet another jewel added to the Gauntlet that is wielded by the Man of Steel himself, Comrade Stalin. None could stand in in the way of the mighty tanks and infantry that so bravely fought for the Motherland. The Tsarist, disloyal, filthy, scumbag, disgusting enemy was pushed back street by street, building by building, by the brave and loyal soldiers of the Red Army. We all salute them for their glorious service.

In other news, the production of grain from our healthy, not starving, proletariat workers have never been higher. Every collective is producing massive amounts of food for the whole nation, without any problems whatsoever. Those who say otherwise are simply western spies, trying unsuccessfully to drain the moral of our healthy, strong population.

Speaking of western spies, remember Comrades, it is your duty to the motherland to report any suspicious activity you see! Anyone could be a western spy, even those we love and trust. Report them to your local Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti, and they will be taken care of quickly, efficiently, and righteously.

Together, no one will be able to withstand the might of our union. Our Soviet Union. And so, Comrades, it is with great confidence and certainty that I can assure you all that the Glorious CCCP will reign over the world for One Thousand Years.

 

Originally Published in Bandersnatch Vol. 48 Issue 06 on November 21th, 2018