Ask the Mad Hatter

with The Man of Hats

How do I manage school and work?

Manage? Manage!? Why on Earth would you like to manage anything? You let school break free and he’ll probably pee on your favorite bowl of petunias. Work is a bit friendlier to strangers. So the trick to management is – oh, it appears I’ve forgotten. Let’s change the subject!

Ask a better question. A good question should look like this:

“O-Hatly One, you look absolutely ravishing today!”

You are too kind! Too kind! (Ladies and gentlemen, this is what I call an excellent question.)

How do I avoid getting to class late every morning?

Don’t worry! Hatter has the correct solution to this one. Break every clock in your house! With a hammer. Honestly, anyone with a clock drives me hopping mad. Like a rabbit! Rabbits are quite rude. In fact, they might be the rudest! Entirely! On par with the slime-toed river rat of the upper west side but incredibly rude nonetheless.

Now sirs, madams, educated hedgehogs, to truly decide what must be done about anything you must first sit back, approach the situation from a new angle and then forget about it entirely and move on to bigger and better cups of tea.

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