Quality Infant Names
by Tyler Boulay
The Facebook page ‘Baby’s Names’ started in 2013. The page’s short description reads, “just add your last name to the end of these great baby’s names and you can use it for your baby or suggest to others.” This page provides quality names to would-be parents with examples such as Custard Cleric, Hater, and The Only Good Music I Have Ever Heard Is SlipKnot. The bugs in charge were willing to answer Bandersnatch’s pressing questions and to offer me a splendid name for my first born child.
Q: Are you actually a sentient bug?
A: Not a sentient bug, unfortunately just a couple of regular human boys having
Q: How many bugs are there?
A: There are 3 of us.
Q: How do you pronounce bug? ‘Buge’?
A: It’s pronounced, “byooj”.
Q: What led you to creating quality names for children?
A: It started as an inside joke because we had the bug and that’s a really long
story, it involves stealing a facebook page from an asshole and him threatening
to kill me so we decked it out as bug style.
Q: Did the original bug actually die, or was this another of your schemes?
A: He’s dead, really.
Q: According to your page, Bug’s 1015th birthday passed recently. Did you do
A: It’s true, we went down to the mall and hung out with him a while, it’s fun
to hang out with him, he’s very old and has a lot of wisdom, also he’s my
Q: What name should I give my first born?
A: Lovely Tugger