Batman Makes Superman a Superfail

Bryce Shane
Staff Writer

Batman and Superman stood face to face in a dark alleyway. Their fight would soon begin. Batman stood calmly, decisively, his blood as cold as his icy gaze. Superman could only crouch and hide behind his large cape as he cried like a newborn baby, his veins on the verge of exploding and his heart pummelling at his ribs in terror.

Batman, beneath all his gadgets, training, intelligence and good looks, is ultimately just a man, without superpowers. Superman has the might of gods. Batman could only use his keen strategic mind to outwit Superman.

The two heroes approached each other, and within less than a minute, Batman’s never-ending armada of punches left Superman helpless on the ground. The only audible sounds were Batman’s fists landing on his opponent’s weak visage and Superman’s crying.

Superman could only beg, like a dog. “Please mister Batman, I’m sorry for offending you. Please stop hurting me.”

“Shut up, Superloser,” Batman barked back heroically. “I don’t have superpowers. I had to outsmart you!”

Superman’s response was as pitiful as his lame costume. “But how?”

“SHUT UP!” Batman exclaimed as he turned Superman’s face into his own personal shoe rug.

Then, ‘Super’man made the first intelligent statement of his life. “I’m sorry I’m so stupid Mr Batman. I deserve this.” Finally, Superman wished he possessed diapers.

The Dark Knight’s fury was relentless. “Shine my shoes BOY! And call me Señor Batman.”

Suddenly, Wonder Woman, accompanied by Lois Lane, Superman’s girlfriend, strolled past the Caped Crusader. Superfail was relieved. They would surely help him! And yet, Superlosesr was heartbroken once he witnessed both women instead making out with Batman. They collectively threw garbage at Superjerk and ate some Doritos. Stupidman cried. Batman pitied him enough to give him the diapers he needed.

The End.