Court Battle Underway

Horrorscopes Permanently Discontinued

by Tyler Boulay

Andrew Grant, the fraudulent prophet himself took to the stands last Friday pleading insanity to the charges of divination without a license and inaccurate portrayal of Leo. “Leo has nothing to do with lions,” Julian Pancaldi, representative of the Angela Brett, the original Oracle of the Bandersnatch, told reporters. The incident began in the early afternoon on January 28th. A Bandersnatch reader, who wishes to remain anonymous, told our reporter, “I opened the paper and went straight to the Procrastinator page, because it’s the only one I really care about. But these horrorscopes were complete horseshit; I couldn’t stand it anymore.” This person then filed a complaint and, police were shocked to discover that Mr. Grant had never completed his divination degree. “It’s not my fault all my teachers died of mysterious circumstances.” Andrew Grant said on the topic. “It was just their time to go, you know?”