We are saddened to announce the passing of our gallant warrior, Lucas Galand, who died defending what he loved the most. It was a celebratory evening in Khlubrüm, with pizza being served and toasts being made to Virginia and Casey in honour of their leadership.
As the heroes of the night decided to feast upon pineapple pizza, the booming voice of Andrew cried out his disdain for the delicacy, inciting an uproar in Khlubrüm about what is worthy of being put on a pizza. Seeing this as his moment to strike, Lucas interjected and questioned the leadership, demanding to know why the two were given the power.
This intensified the quarrel, with members now taking sides beyond pizza garnishes and starting to defend or attack their leaders. Lucas turned his side in favour of anarcho-monarchism. Putin’s secret forces, who had been hiding in the walls surveilling Lucas for months, were alarmed at the declaration and immediately reported back to their overlord. Upon receiving the news, Putin was so horrified that he flew himself to Khlubrüm to confront Lucas for his betrayal. The Russian Vladimir wanted to know why this Canadian Vladimir was not proposing communism as an alternative to Khlubrüm’s democracy.
In times of confrontation like these, Lucas would normally have reached for Void Juice to bolster his debating skills and arm himself with infinite energy. But within the kerfuffle, Maxine had been able to slip past Lucas and steal the Void Juice, thus depleting his powers. On the brink of an all out war, started by his own doing, Lucas was now faced with having to decide whether to lead his side to communism or anarcho-monarchism.
On the front-lines, armed in silk pyjamas and a matching bathrobe, Lucas looked the part of a general, but his attitude did not match. He was still fighting the demons of his two favourite political systems. Seeing the unreliability of the Canadian Vladimir, Putin decided to put everyone out of their misery and eliminate Lucas himself.
However, before Putin could strike the fatal blows with his sickle and hammer, Lucas dropped to the ground dead. Everyone looked up, and on top of Lucas’ cold dead body stood Taylor clutching the bloodied PDA Sword of Khlubrüm. Taylor thus claimed victory for the leaders of Khlubrüm, ending Lucas’ reign of chaos. Lucas died bravely on the field of battle in his silk pyjamas, and will always be remembered for his top tier memes.
Originally Published on www.bandersnatch.ca Vol.49 Issue 14 on April 29th, 2020