The Five Steps To Recovery
The first time I went to Mucho Burrito, my life changed. I never actually had more than a microwaved burrito, and my brain basically exploded with excitement. The incredible blend of flavours took me by surprise, and, for the first time in my life, everything seemed to make sense. I discovered life’s purpose: to eat as many burritos as you can. Once I tasted the churro, I should have started paying Mucho Burrito rent as I would have probably saved on gas from driving there three times a week.
Since the discovery of how great burritos are, I have eaten way too many of them. I use any excuse I can to get a burrito. Failed a midterm? Burrito. First date? Burrito. Second date? Burrito. Having an incredible day? Let’s celebrate with a burrito. Having an awful day? Let’s feel better with a burrito.
My family and friends have begun to worry, and when I began to get recognized by countless employees, it was time to make a change. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you: The Five Steps to Recovery.
The first step is to decide to make a change. Say to yourself “Dylan, you are more than the burritos”. Acknowledge that with or without burritos, life goes on. Also, acknowledge that your name is now Dylan. You have to come to accept this on your own, and no amount of pressure from friends or family can help you get over it. IT’S MY LIFE, BREE!
The second step is looking into various other options. I recommend wraps of any kind for the time being, as it’s a cousin of the burrito. It will help you move on. When you’ve gained enough strength, move away from anything wrapped in a tortilla. Be strong!
The third step is to find support. I recommend looking for, and working with, someone who also struggles with Burrito Addiction (It’s a real thing). By working as a team, you’ll have a support system in place for when you want to relapse, because you totally will. Burritos are life. On an unrelated note, if anyone knows anyone who’s struggling with a Burrito Addiction, please hit me up on Insta@BurritoSupportGroup by commenting on my most recent post with #Burritos and I’ll be sure to get back to you.
The fourth step is to distance yourself from your burrito buddies. Kurt, Kyle, Tyler, Oliver, Zack, Delaney and Hannah… it’s not you, it’s me. By distancing yourself from your burrito triggers, you’ll be able to grow as a person and find another passion.
The final step is to reward your hard work. I’d recommend a burrito. Oh shit. It’s happening again…