Obituary: Dean Matheos, Staff Writer

Last Tuesday, while trying out for his local baseball team, Bandersnatch staff writer Dean Matheos suffered a fatal self-inflicted baseball wound. While swinging his bat after his second strike, Dean projected the ball across the field where it hit a lamppost. From there, the ball bounced off of a crate of orange slices, then the hot dog and peanut stand, eventually rebounding onto his face and giving him his second black eye in his life. Except this time, the force was so great that his head exploded like a plate at a Greek wedding. Dean will be remembered for his passion for sports, ranging from hockey to baseball, and his hatred of memes.