Rejected Headlines

Sebastian Socorro
Literature Editor


  • Top scientists predict technology to map out Casgrain will be developed in a mere 30 years
  • Future issues of Bandersnatch to include free excuses for extensions
  • Cyberspace suddenly invaded by JAC students who just wanted to read books in peace
  • New gym class teaches the sport of getting to class on time when five people stand in a circle in the hallway
  • HP develops printer that cries on your essay for you
  • Experts say the ideal student is a being made up only of instant ramen noodles, coffee and clinical depression
  • Bill 2.0 now in development, promising even more Mahon
  • Student just now realizing the Oval Café is not actually oval-shaped
  • Student valiantly passes a class without ever actually owning the course pack
  • Casual Trudeau joke ends in heated debate over the state of the European Union

Originally Published in Bandersnatch Vol.49 Issue 10 on February 26th, 2020