Rejected Headlines

Image Source: Times Caribbean

Sebastian Socorro
Literature Editor


– Earth reportedly not sure how to end humanity anymore

– Animal Crossing voted best anti-coronavirus measure

– All future YA novels to be set during suburban COVID-19 quarantine

– As e-sports persist over traditional sports, e-Olympics set to begin soon

– The Ancient Ones awaken after the third 3:21 AM earthquake in a month

– Quarantine vibes sorrowful

– National fear of public speaking overcome by fear of online conferences

– Catastrophe: house out of bacon

– Quarantine workout to include lifting now useless 20-pound course books

– Half-Life 3 reportedly delayed even further due to COVID-19

– Corona beer now poisons in an effort to be as relevant as coronavirus

– New instrument to learn created out of boredom

– Bat responsible for COVID-19 outbreak caught, will appear in court

– Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers worldwide refuse to use Teams during quarantine

– Online classes replaced by ASMR podcasts made by teachers

Originally Published on www.bandersnatch.ca Vol.49 Issue 12 on April 1st, 2020