Rejected Headlines
Sebastian Socorro
Literature Editor
-Nuclear Slenderman spawns from Chernobyl forest fire
-Boccaccio rises from the grave to write The Decameron II: Return of the Plague
-2020 revealed to be a battle royale spin-off of The Truman Show
-James Cameron’s Avatar 2 delayed until 2051, Avatar 6 announced for next century
-Camp Half-Blood forced to keep its demigods during summer
-Class of 2019-2020 to receive diplomas by fax machine
-Trudeau deems go karting an essential service
-Skipping class too easy to be fun anymore
-Vast population of introverts and lazy people suddenly excellent students online
-Teams, Zoom, FaceTime, and Skype to battle it out at WWE COVID Clash
-CIA agents slowly dying of boredom after spying on quarantined citizens
-Elon Musk quarantines himself on Mars without notice
-“Lo-Fi Quarantine Beats to Slowly Go Insane To” nominated for Grammy
-Mad Max aesthetic has already begun with the shaving of hair and eyebrows
-2020 criticized for terrible writing and agonizing pacing
Originally Published on www.bandersnatch.ca Vol.49 Issue 13 on April 15th, 2020