Rejected Headlines

Image Source: KissCCO

Sebastian Socorro
Literature Editor

-Da Vinci Code solved out of boredom

-Will to do homework found dead at 10 A.M. this morning

-Gamers reportedly rising

-50-hour Pong remake in the works, pre-order for classic skin DLC

-Barbers and hair stylists live in dread and fear

-Staying in bed no longer as cool

-Bigfoot contracts COVID-19, goes into more hiding

-Thousands await their daily François Lego broadcast

-Queen Elizabeth II’s mortal flesh vessel finally withers, revealing Her True Form

-Population of Japan eagerly awaiting their time skip designs

-Physical exercise suddenly important

-Tik Tok deemed a humanitarian crisis

-Nostradamus very coy about the end of the world

-“The dog ate my hard drive” explains student

-Family learns sign language to communicate during online meetings

Originally Published on Vol.49 Issue 14 on April 29th, 2020