- New “Help, I don’t know what I’m doing” program to open, hoodies sell out instantly.
- New time zones discovered after multiple clocks on campus tell different times
- Plans for next semester include 6 clubs sharing a closet-sized room
- CSKY Radio speakers to be replaced with a pair of earbuds in the corner of the cafeteria
- “Don’t talk to me before I’ve had my coffee” says student hospitalized for caffeine overdose
- Even newer JAC library announced, set to be built within the next three days
- JAC closes due to snowstorm, fulfilling an ancient apocalyptic prophecy
Originally Published in Bandersnatch Vol.49 Issue 09 on February 12th, 2020