There was balance, once. Teddy bears were loved, cuddled, and slept upon. Then tragedy struck the Layne household when Taylor-Jade, the production manager, ceased to be.
On a fine spring morning, the doorbell rang and when Taylor’s mom answered the door, a sweet little teddy sat on the front porch, with a small TJ label on its foot. On the tag war the identity of its giver: “you know who (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄)”. With it being quarantine time, she assumed it was another pick me up gift from her friends, so she dropped it off in her daughter’s room.
Feeding off the abandoned wrappers and packages on her floor, the bear quickly reproduced by mitosis into a veritable tidal wave of cuteness. When the authorities arrived at the scene, thousands of stuffed bears were pouring out of the house. Although harmless, they appeared to multiply at an uncontrollable, unstoppable rate; by the day’s end, 1,771,561 bears were collected in total and promptly euthanized. Overtaken by the sea of cuddliness during the night, Taylor was found suffocated, with her face frozen in an expression of terror, the next morning.
Being third-in-command, Taylor was bullied by most, loved by some, and despised by very few. Her ever-gentle personality will be missed, as will her scary but gentle threats. Though her lack of enemies does limit the number of suspects, the bizarre emoji which accompanied the original bear has given the authorities a lead. Only time will tell where it will bring them.
Originally Published on www.bandersnatch.ca Vol.49 Issue 14 on April 29th, 2020