The Sub-Par, Mediocre, Sardonic Advice corner

Kiana Zanetti
Staff Writer

“I recently had my boyfriend move in with me, but I’ve had suspicions of him cheating on me lately. Lo and behold, I was right; my neighbor told me that every few days or so when I’m not home, he brings in his stupid side-chick who, on top of seeing my boyfriend, even has the nerve to trail dirt into the house with her dingy shoes! I hate her so much, but I still can’t help but love him even though he’s hurting me. I just want us to clean up this mess and stick together. What should I do?”
-Anon

Well, the mess can easily be cleaned up – just put a carpet or maybe some kind of tarp on the floor to catch the dirt when she walks in! Were you seriously expecting me to find a way to fix a disloyal relationship?

“Do you want to go out with me?”
-Anon

If by “going out with you” you mean me going outside to physically escort you off my property when you show up, then yes, gladly.

“I know I’m failing calculus right now, but I don’t feel like studying for my test tomorrow… any suggestions on how to get a good grade without studying?”
-Anon

That can be done in much the same way as you would drive to school tomorrow for your test without putting the key to the ignition or having any gas in the car. Thanks for writing in.

I’d like to thank you all for writing in. I really do love answering you.