The Sub-Par, Mediocre, Sardonic Advice Corner

Kiana Zanetti
Staff Writer

I can’t believe it… this girl used to be so in love with me and then I wake up one day to find her prancing around with some other guy. It’s causing me so much pain. It burns inside… what do I do?
-Anonymous

Sounds like you need an antacid.

It must be hard for you to find someone of your own seeing how bitter and cynical you are towards all your submissions. Have fun being single!
-Brian

Well, Brian (the Beach Boy?), I prefer to refer to it as “not living in a fantasy world”! It takes a pretty darn lot of time and effort to find a partner, contrary to popular belief amongst everyone that’s been submitting. I suppose you’re right on one point – it is rather hard for me to find someone, though I don’t think it’s entirely because of my cynicism. It’s more to do with my resemblance to Charlie Watts dressing like Woody Allen, I would think. It’s just as hard for me to find a partner as it seems to be for you to put down your Harlequin novels and cancel your subscription to Lifetime and W Movies!

I see my crush just prancing around with some other girl all the time at school and it kills me inside… I don’t know what to do. Why does my life have to be so miserable and filled with problems?
-Anon

Might I suggest to book a plane ticket to the third world and see for yourself what “miserable and full of problems” really is?

Send me your burning questions on MIO for the chance to be shot down by a passive-aggressive or sardonic response. I won’t guarantee it to be of any help, but I can probably give you some sort of snide comment!

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