The Sub-Par, Mediocre, Sardonic Advice Corner

Kiana Zanetti
Contributor

If you can’t be bothered to see a therapist, and thought to yourself, “Hey, let’s take a gamble and check out a 16-year-old’s Procrastinator segment for some life teachings,” this is the place for you.

Q: “Kiana, why isn’t my relationship working?” -G.

Hey Bee G., Try turning it off and on again.
-Kiana

Q: “Hi Kiana, I need some help here. Things between us have been going downhill for a while, and I’m scared that my girlfriend and I aren’t going to work… what do I do?” -Anon

Hey, there should be a Service Canada somewhere near your residence where you can go to search for employment, provided you already have a Social Insurance Number. Thanks for writing in.
-Kiana

Q: “My boyfriend broke up with me some time ago and I’ve repeatedly tried contacting him to make amends but he has blocked my number, Facebook, and Twitter accounts. I’ve tried knocking at his door as well, but to no avail. Should I try another approach? What should I do?”-Michelle

Michelle, ma belle, I suppose it all depends on if and how much you’re willing to spend on lawyers once those restraining orders start to come around.
-Kiana

Q: “Kiana, how do I get a guy to like me if he doesn’t seem interested?” -Anna

Anna… you come and ask me, girl?! Why, the same way you would call him with your TV remote or text him through your calculator, of course. Thanks for writing in.
-Kiana

I’d like to thank you for submitting your questions… I really do love answering you all.