Your 90s Guide to the Web

We’re Going Surfing on the Internet!

Alex Cole (Least Read Sports Editor)


Hey gang! Today, I’m going to show all of you how to use this magical new thing called the Internet!

Now, the first thing you guys need to do is get your parents’ permission first. There is nothing more radical than knowing your parents are totally cool with you doing stuff. Once your parents give you the thumbs up, you must first get an Internet service provider who will help you set up the Internet. I know, cool, right? Once that is all done, there are three totally awesome basic things you can do on the Internet.

The first is being able to surf the World Wide Web… radical am I right? The second thing you can do is go on news sharing websites and explore all the amazing things that are going on like the OJ Simpson trial or even the OJ Simpson trial. Finally, the third thing you can do is send e-mails to all of the friends you don’t have. Pretty fun stuff.

Now that I know you are all super stoked about this whole Internet thing, let me tell you about web pages. The most important thing to know about web pages is that they all have addresses that start with “http://”, then after that you have to press “www.” to access the (you guessed it) World Wide Web. After that, you type in the rest of the address and there you go. Now you know how to browse web pages.

One of the other things you can do on the Internet is play video games. These are cool and all, but remember gang, ask for your parents’
permission first. You wouldn’t want them to ground you and take away your skateboard, right? That brings me to chat rooms. Chat rooms are where you can talk to different people through text over the World Wide Web. Just in the last week, I’ve met so many interesting people. I’ve made tons of friends already. I’m supposed to hang out with three of them at the park next week. It’s totally awesome, what could go wrong!?!

The Internet does do all of these great things but it’s important to remember, guys, that the Internet is a great learning tool. If you really want to make sure your parents are okay with the internet, talk to them all about how great it is for homework. In the last week alone, I’ve completed three research papers, which is totally radical. It’s like I have all this wicked knowledge at my fingertips. I haven’t even had time to play games because all of the things I’m learning. Like did you know the world is going to end at the end of the dec a d e . . . T O T A L L Y AWESOME!

So, remember gang, before getting the Internet, make sure your parents give you permission. Then once you have it, try to use it as much as possible before it becomes obsolete, like it will in three years.

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