Runaway with me

“I’d like to buy a plane ticket to your furthest destination today” I told the airline employee. She stared at me as if I was crazy. “I’m not sure what you mean, ma’am,” he responded. “I want to catch the earliest flight.” “There is a seat available in a flight to Italy at 5:30 for 1100$.” “That would be perfect. Thank you.” I showed him my passport and paid with my credit card then I received my boarding pass. I walked through the security and then looked for gate 32B. As I was walking through the airport, I felt very tired. No amount of sleep could make this feeling go away. I was trapped in a place called home. I wanted to go somewhere new. Seventeen years here has been enough. This place has shattered me into a million pieces. Fortunately, I got to my gate early, found a seat and sat down. The airport is a very exciting place for me. it reminded me of who I truly am. It separates me from this world and sets me apart from the people I know. This place always gave me a sense of hope; it is filled with millions of opportunities. You can go anywhere you want. You have the chance to discover new places. You have the freedom to be whoever you want to be. You can meet millions of people. I was excited to be leaving. Travelling gave me a sense of direction. It was exciting to be off on a journey. My life was very monotonous. I wished for an escape. I wished to shape a life with a better fate. I wanted to leave everything behind. It’s not easy when I have commitments. Things I can’t leave behind; but can’t leave with them either. I wanted to run away. Freedom called my name. I was looking for a way to free my soul, my spirit. I was tired of feeling anxious; tired of being told what to do. My life was slipping out of my hand. As if I was no longer in control of my fate. I felt like I was trapped inside a box. Everywhere I looked was emptiness. My body yearned for a bit of stretch. I was tired of the maze I was living that trapped me in fear. I was waiting impatiently for the announcement to board. Finally, they called us to board on the plane. I got in line, the gate attendant checked my boarding pass. I walked through the hallway that led to the plane. They welcomed me on board and showed me my seat. I sat down in my seat which was by the window. It was my first time travelling alone. I did not know where I was going to stay once I got there. I did not book hotels since I decided on this last minute. I didn’t know if I was ever going to come back home either. I wondered if I was ever going to miss this place; if I was ever going to miss my family. The plane was going to fly. I was looking out my window. I could see everything from up there. Everything seemed very small. For a second, all my problems seemed very insignificant. It made me modest because I realized what a small place I occupy in the world. I finally decided to wipe the state clean; no more reminders from the past. I look forward to my future now. New friends can rally my calls. Soon all memories will depart. I will get off to a new start.



Saba Ashjaee

Originally Published in Bandersnatch Vol. 48 Issue 1 on September 12, 2018


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